Voyage.

Supreme sovereign, save me! save me!

From hither I pray leave to come to thee!

This journey has me tired.

It ruined me what I desired.

Now I only ask you to set me free.

This is my first attempt at writing a limerick, and it’s only the very basic form of it. The rhyming scheme is a a b b a, and the theme followed is that of a “journey“.

Thomas Cole (American, 1801 - 1848 ), The Voyage of Life: Manhood, 1842, oil on canvas, Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund.

Thomas Cole (American, 1801 – 1848 ), The Voyage of Life: Manhood, 1842, oil on canvas, Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund.

 

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8 thoughts on “Voyage.

  1. cabrogal says:

    A good first attempt, but with limericks the rhythm is just as important as the rhyme.

    Take this example from my mis-spent childhood (Mrs Young was a 2nd grade teacher at my primary school).

    What’s the problem with old Mrs Young?
    She talks like she’s missing a lung
    She rants like a loon
    through a face like a prune
    And her breath smells like rancid pig’s dung
    .

    The syllable count for lines 1,2 and 5 need to be almost the same, as does the count for lines 3 and 4. Lines 3 and 4 need to be short and punchy – eight syllables max but five is better.

    Traditionally limericks are humorous, with the strongest joke saved for the last line. Of course they don’t have to be funny but I still think they work better if the last line is the most impactful.

    I hope you don’t mind me lecturing like this, but I figure since you’re just starting to learn limericks you might want to know.

    • randomlyabstract says:

      You are right.

      Actually, we were given a specific theme (journey), a form, and an additional poetic device to include for this challenge. With that, we were allowed to twist a bit and create something personal. So to be honest, I think I focused more on bringing the aabba format and not on what it technically requires. The syllable count you tell is new to me on which I am going to work next time. Hopefully, it will be better than this one. :3

      Thank you ever so much for your help, cabrogal. It means much to me!

      • cabrogal says:

        Hmm. ‘Journey’, eh?
        OK, I’ll take a crack at it.

        I really can’t think of a poem
        That speaks of the places I roam
        I never depart
        Without packing my heart
        So wherever I am is my home

        Wow, I wrote a limerick without a single swearword, insult or lame joke!
        You must be a good influence on me Maria.

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