Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

Voyage.

Supreme sovereign, save me! save me!

From hither I pray leave to come to thee!

This journey has me tired.

It ruined me what I desired.

Now I only ask you to set me free.

This is my first attempt at writing a limerick, and it’s only the very basic form of it. The rhyming scheme is a a b b a, and the theme followed is that of a “journey“.

Thomas Cole (American, 1801 - 1848 ), The Voyage of Life: Manhood, 1842, oil on canvas, Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund.

Thomas Cole (American, 1801 – 1848 ), The Voyage of Life: Manhood, 1842, oil on canvas, Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund.

 

8 responses

  1. Nice job!🙂 I loved your limerick and looking at the photo helped me get a sense of the story… and it made go, ‘Ah…’

    February 18, 2015 at 12:32 am

    • Thank you so much! It was the painting and its analysis which sounded so true to me at this state that inspired me to write such. I am glad you like it! ♥

      February 19, 2015 at 8:25 pm

  2. A good first attempt, but with limericks the rhythm is just as important as the rhyme.

    Take this example from my mis-spent childhood (Mrs Young was a 2nd grade teacher at my primary school).

    What’s the problem with old Mrs Young?
    She talks like she’s missing a lung
    She rants like a loon
    through a face like a prune
    And her breath smells like rancid pig’s dung
    .

    The syllable count for lines 1,2 and 5 need to be almost the same, as does the count for lines 3 and 4. Lines 3 and 4 need to be short and punchy – eight syllables max but five is better.

    Traditionally limericks are humorous, with the strongest joke saved for the last line. Of course they don’t have to be funny but I still think they work better if the last line is the most impactful.

    I hope you don’t mind me lecturing like this, but I figure since you’re just starting to learn limericks you might want to know.

    February 18, 2015 at 6:50 am

    • You are right.

      Actually, we were given a specific theme (journey), a form, and an additional poetic device to include for this challenge. With that, we were allowed to twist a bit and create something personal. So to be honest, I think I focused more on bringing the aabba format and not on what it technically requires. The syllable count you tell is new to me on which I am going to work next time. Hopefully, it will be better than this one. :3

      Thank you ever so much for your help, cabrogal. It means much to me!

      February 19, 2015 at 12:18 am

      • Hmm. ‘Journey’, eh?
        OK, I’ll take a crack at it.

        I really can’t think of a poem
        That speaks of the places I roam
        I never depart
        Without packing my heart
        So wherever I am is my home

        Wow, I wrote a limerick without a single swearword, insult or lame joke!
        You must be a good influence on me Maria.

        February 19, 2015 at 10:37 am

        • That limerick was really a response to that idiot who left his heart in San Francisco. I mean, how absent-minded can you get?

          He probably left his liver in Liverpool, his kidneys in Sydney and his spleen in New Orleans. I wonder what he left in Newcastle.

          I’d hate to be one of the maids who has to clean his hotel rooms.

          February 19, 2015 at 10:51 am

        • Wow, man. This is so utterly beautiful. *-*

          Wow, I wrote a limerick without a single swearword, insult or lame joke!

          Sir, you wrote one after like forty years. That’s double victory!

          February 19, 2015 at 8:36 pm

  3. On reflection, I reckon the best syllable count for limericks is 8-9-5-5(or 6)-8(or 9).

    February 18, 2015 at 9:51 am

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