We sat there at a distance, both missing each other. We could’ve just turned to face one another and talk. We could’ve just talked.
It’s that same place again, and that same part of nighttime where everything feels stitched to something deeper and more calm. We are sitting together: he on the log, and I on a rock. Spread wide above us are the skies, innumerable stars glistening on their soft sheets. The air is cool. I can’t describe how it smells or feels, but I know. It’s the kind of moment one wants to seize, literally freeze. It’s not when you want to think about how time is passing. Because time is not passing. It shouldn’t, now, should it?
I tell myself that you won’t leave. But I know it means nothing. And it is with this thought that the weight of our silence starts becoming torturous. It feels as though someone placed a spiky wire on my bare skin, trailing it down. As it touches my chest, I draw in a quick breath: it has a connection with the void within me. I look at you and you are staring ahead somewhere, aloof, in a world that your eyes see and I cannot reach. And then I realize how you have no idea about my world either. We are equally separated.
We: You and I, the stories yet to complete. I think we are ever-living because of what we have in us. Even though we each carry Words from contrasting entities, we are still what we are for us.
“Tell me one last time, will the sun come?”
“It will,” you say. I think I will then stay for a moment. Until the sun arrives, at least. The log is empty at your side now. I will walk to it and sit there. To feel that warmth again and not shiver. I have wrapped my shoulders around myself. Perhaps the wire will forget to hurt, too. Maybe it will turn into a spring of soothing water if it hits my heart enough times.
Voids are colorless but they are vulnerable to scars that birthed them. I can still hear your footsteps from ten minutes ago. Was it ten minutes ago that you left, or has a century passed already? Oh but the sun, yes, it will come.
Our goodbye was wordless. I think we will meet again.
“I did not want to be what I have become. But I like it now… It suits me. I feel I am where I belong. It is Real. It is Me.”I was sitting before him on the road and there was no one else around. When he said these words, I looked at him. I wanted more answers, and I was searching for them in his eyes. They are windows to your soul, after all, but somehow his soul was a locked corridor now– the key to which was unknown to even himself, I suppose. Read more
“You don’t know how it’s like to be what you are not.”
“I sure do. I have known you for so long and never uttered a word about you. That is the same thing in a way, if you see.”
He turned his head. I stood at a distance from his seat: a log placed in the middle of the road. An empty road– our secret place.
“No,” he whispered. “You cannot see the sea in me. You can only see the waves.”
“I can see the sea,” said I. Then taking his name, I continued: “And I can also sense a storm. Please confide in me now, let it crash me down if it so must. Break me because I need you.” Read more
(Like the previous two times, this had to be the way it is, too. The first time I wrote it, I was having a problem putting words properly but hoped it would make sense. It’s of course the same now.)
4 thoughts on “My dark man. (3)”
The weight of silence does torture. Ask those who breathe words but stop breathing when confront their dark men. Your dark man gives you a hope, hope that light will come, and that’s a blessing. Hold onto that. Beautifully written.
I love your comment as always. Jazakillah for that 🙂
I wish If I would have read anything even closely beautiful like this… for passed months… But I didn’t.
I wish If I would have said anything even remotely touching like this… for years… But I haven’t.
I wish if I could read, hear, touch, smell, and taste such words being close to a fountain of spring,
without going on for years in mere craving…
I wish I wouldn’t have found myself in a same circle – self-eating, inquiring… “Will the Sun come?”
The good thing is that it comes every day. Unless you got yourself cursed from someone… for light but no Sun – because then it’s ‘just’ a circle.