I think it’s the part where I could go to mom and say “I am feeling so sad right now”.
I could TELL that my stomach hurt – there was a hollow feeling – or I’m cryey.
It’s not the same after marriage.
And this adds to the anxiety. Aik ishq ka gham afat us par ye dil afat, y’know?
Because you’re already feelin’ blue but you can also not share the work of art that is your heart. Red and blue. Blue and red. Yuck.
Sometimes I do wish I would go to my saas and say ammi I feel so sad right now. But she won’t exactly get it.
But did mom get it?
Well I think she did, even if she didn’t always have a fix. Sometimes just saying is enough, haina?
But this does give me something more to think about. Did mom get it? How did I feel in those moments? And this would give me insights into what became my coping mechanisms or how deep it runs, and self-awareness etc. y’know.
Because…. well because I remember.
And right now this is not the only thing that matters. There’s so much more stuff, right, and you…. take a deep breath.
Pause.
Yes.
So deep belly breathing is a way of regulating your nervous nervous system. You should try it right now. Thrice.
Randomly Abstract 
Mothers do get it. Back when I left for boarding school after the winter holidays were over, I would make a point of telling her that there was a lot of sadness filling up my stomach, and every breath I took only expanded it as though it were a balloon. I think she understood it perfectly because she would pack in gajar ka halwa with me which always deflated the balloon for at least as long as it lasted.
how sweet!