2018, Poems and poetry, raw and rough

No edits.

It still means a cold hard blow
cold hard blow on the heart
like someone hammers it into pieces
while looking sideways
you’re so hurt yourself, you say
it was never intentional to reach
here. this
now
is our collective mistake. or something from the universe
if only you could stop right now
if only you could go back in time
one last time back in time one last —
you’d do it again.

You would.

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2018, By the roaring waves!, Photography, Proses

This place, this time.

Some evenings are so breathtakingly stunning you don’t want them to end. Ever. And as everyone else is packing their stuff back in the car while some are already reserving their seats — so ready to return to their homes — you run back to the sea and the sky and the sand asking for one more infinite minute. That is your home.

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2018, raw and rough

random blog 496

It’s so frustrating when you’re tryna find something but mil ke na de. I spent some hours I think, right now, just to find that journal first and then those papers from it. Matlab aasman kha gaya zameen nigal gayi. Pfft. It was this thing I wrote and I so badly needed it right now but looks like I tore those pages from that journal lest it gets lost in the pile (I have LOTS of js), and kept them somewhere where I would’ve thought back then ke yahan tou mai dekhungi hi. But now I have that journal and not those pages. Major sigh moment.

I also have thousands of papers so it’s not possible to check them all at least rn but what are my safe places? My drawer? Some folder? Gah man. There aren’t many options. Like I have some bags, this book cabinet and drawer (aka house of mess and treasures) and I’ve checked them all. I couldn’t have given it to my teacher even though we talked sth about it. What could have I done? Where. Tap tap tap.

I did find lots of poems though. Some letters. Doodles. Many lectures. And that kind of writing where you are simply jotting down your complex mind’s oodles. Is oodles a word? Looks like it is. But it doesn’t seem to fit here. You get the point though, no? My university journals are like history books. They contain so much randomness from my life because they had those, um what do you call it, segments kinda thing and I would use one for myself in each because even though I kept a separate notebook at first I realised I didn’t need to keep my journals JUST restricted to notes. Aaye such long sentences do I even make sense. Right now in front of me I have 10 pretty, spiral journals. Or notebooks, whatever you wanna call them. They’re diff sizes but all of them have beautiful covers. Random, traditional, artistic, that sort.

M said make dua agar wo cheez loutni hui tou miljaegi. Y also said ab wo achanak hi milay gi. So I’ve paused my search operation for now and instead wrote about it. Sigh again, isn’t that how we people deal with loss or things that hint of being/becoming unattainable?

Okay whatever. Too late now. Toodles.

UPDATE: FOUND IT. I SUDDENLY REMEMBERED IT WAS ANOTHER JOURNAL, LIKE THE SAME COVER BUT A BIGGER ONE AND THEN I WENT TO MY LIL ART ROOM AND IT WAS IN THAT NEW DRAWER. SAFE AND SOUND. Alhamdulillah ❤

journals_randomlyabstract

I should’ve posted a better photo but you know what time it is?

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2018, My Writings, raw and rough, Urdu musings

Diary of a 3:12 AM-er

Bohat arsay baad aik nazm likhnay lagi thi. Balkay likhnay kia lagi thi, wo nazm hi mujhay likh rahi thi. Unwaan tha ‘be-dili’. Aur phir pehla misra tumhe be-dili se sochnay par tha. Uskay bad aik khayal ata lekin shaam ke dhal janay aur khuwab ke ban janay ka darr… agay aik lafz kam reh gaya. Jo cigarette ka sar hota hai na? Usay masalna tha. Lekin na lafz aya na baat bani. Hath jo kehtay kehtay uper utha tha phir hawa me hi reh gaya. Bhai ne dekh kar poocha, “you are in love, right?” Mai munh bana ke reh gai.

I am in love, right? Duh I’m in love. With what, I don’t know. I am so disconnected from myself, or maybe I’m just so connected with myself that I’ve lost the ability to touch on the surface of things (or thoughts?) and say this is this and that is that. I can’t say these words are true. I can’t say they are not. I don’t know.

Kuch zamana beeta hai mai araam se nazmen likh sakti thi. Araam se tou nahi khair, jahan shairi hai wahan aaraam kahan. Magar phir bhi kabhi na kabhi. Aik khaas kefiyat hoti thi. Aisay tou mai pehlay kitabain bhi bohat parh leti thi ab arsa hua.

I just cannot. I haven’t read a proper book in a proper sitting like a proper reader since ages. The last was All the light we cannot see which is now in my taaaaaall pile of unfinished ones. I did translate a huge chapter though. It was on Islam and science and reason and modernism and everything like that. A good experience – both in terms of subject and skill.

It’s gonna be sehri time here. I made a fruit-oatmeal smoothie yesterday jiska oatmeal part no one liked and smoothie they all did. Lol. I heard it was healthy like that but I guess I’ll omit the oatmeal now.

Nah, I’m not much of a kitchen person. But it’s Ramadan, so… oh, happy Ramadan to you!

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2018, Proses

#490

It’s night and still hot. I am sitting cross-legged on the balcony’s floor, this black diary on my lap, and vibrant blues, orange and yellow underneath it: the colors of my shirt. Before me is a silent city even though it’s only after-dinner time. It’s only too soon to be writing this.

Or is it?

I am almost tired of using different words to say the same thing: I miss you. Here, take it from me. Jaan jati hai jab uth ke jatay ho tum. 

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2017, Photography

Them yum moments

Brownies set in order. Photo for the weekly photo challenge: order.

 

You won’t believe just how many times I have tried posting for these weekly challenges but it would take me an entire week of procrastinating which, of course, left them useless. This one however, sounded too tempting to resist. Objects in order, actions in order, click click click thud – patternized repetition – check, sit, check, sit, check… and other things I have been thinking about lately to write.

So hello, chocolate no-chaos! Even though its arrangement speaks of neatness, something about chocolate says more craving. I got these made from Fresh Oven Bites* and honestly, they were the best I’ve had. Very inspired to bake with the same perfection one day inshaAllah!

(*wish they sent us bonus boxes for free publicityy…?..sigh p;)

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2017, Photography

A boring blog about exciting new things

University starts today! And it’s my fourth year – I find that kind of unbelievable and also amazing! I mean, it almost feels like abhi ki baat that I went through this admission process and now I am writing this with so many thoughts and ideas and memories in my mind, six semesters already down.

universitydiaries_randomlyabstractThe photo above shows a path and a moment I treasure. It’s a pretty simple one actually, May 2015, around 5 pm-ish. We had evening papers and I had got done with mine, everyone I knew had already left campus so the place was mostly empty save a few strangers. And there I sat with a journal and a juice box, my back to a bricked wall, hands busy writing. Favorite kind of solitude.

My experiences here have been great — with people, places, food, friends, events, sfsadgfag. I think I will go into all that later. Right now I will keep ranting about how time slipped so fast, which is again cliched but khair. I remember when my aani was eighteen and shifted permanently to Pakistan, she took a Montessori training course. That woman in that age was my idea of cool. Eighteen was supposed to mean independent, having fun, over the world. Years and years later, on the midnight of my own eighteenth birthday, I was silently crying because I didn’t want it. Nope, skip skip. *Sigh* Now I’m freshly 21 and stepping into my FINAL university year, going to get a MASTERS degree pretty soon (inshaAllah) (not imagining how different life would be after it’s all over) and an aani to a three year old fantastic.

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So the point is I’ve lost motivation to make this post interesting but I still found a title that does justice that one of my most important years is here, like right here, and I am kinda excited, hopeful, yay and also bleh, but mostly looking forward to trying out a newer range of awesome!

*{aani means khala/aunt/mom’s sister. You didn’t know?!}
**happy new year, hi

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2014, Pakistan

Snakes.

The night was dark and silent, and the citizens of the city of light slept soundly in their [un/]comfortable beds (which was considered unusual before dreams became their only salvation) when a gun shot was heard.

We had just entered that street then, in our car on way back home, when two men running madly came into sight. One of them had a pistol with him, the other was empty-handed. One of them ran to take life, another to save it.

He was running fast; as fast as one would if they saw their death coming at any second’s difference, and his enemy was running fasteras fast as one would when his thirst for blood had blinded all his other senses…

I was shocked: it was just like a hunter and deer’s game, except that both were unfortunately humans here.

Whether he killed him or not, I cannot say. It is actually useless to hope for the latter but…
Did they put his body in a grave when they found him the next morning? Does his family know yet? Of course they do. In a city where deaths become a statistic, it is so predictable where you lost your loved ones. But what of the police who were busy inspecting random passers a distance away? Did they notice how a car had reversed in panic at the sight of it when they were too, just an instant away from being targeted?

Death often comes like that. It becomes a tragedy for the killer, the final stop for the runner, and a lesson for the living. ..

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2014, Event, Pakistan

Youth Arts & Literary Exhibition, Khi.

5YALE, the Youth Arts & Literary Exhibition, was held in Karachi yesterday on 13th April 2014, with its superb vision of fostering creativity and ingenuity, and its mission of promoting the Pakistani culture. The event focused on many artistic and creative fields like conceptual photography, painting, poetry, and theater performances. Debates on piracy and plagiarism, literature, and meetings with writers and “Typewriter” kept the audience engaged and awed through 11am to 8pm.

Many artists had their works displayed at the YALE Arts Gallery, and several photographs based on “Mar gaya Insaan (Man has died)” and “Jagenge Zaroor (We will rise)” were showcased in the exhibit hall. Pain, miseries, struggle, and sacrifice were portrayed powerfully through paint strokes and camera films on YALE’s canvas.

Other things like “The Unseen Pakistan” and “Glimpses of Lollywood” showed to the public what potential this land has got, what it has become, and what is still left.

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Even with all that chaos and miseries, Pakistan is a homeland to people who are destined not to give up. These people with their outstanding visions choose to bring back the glory this land deserves. This is what YALE meant to me.

Related link: http://yale2014.org/ –  Artists own rights to their respective works- Photos by me (Maria I) and Khoulah.
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2013, By the roaring waves!, Photography, Poems and poetry, Videos

City life: Karachi Time Lapse

http://vimeo.com/69847157

This is a very amazing video! I don’t have much words to appreciate the skills of this person, who took over 19,000 photographs to compile this time lapse video! I am lovin’ it! And I hope you would too. 🙂

I wanted to add a poem on “CITY LIFE” along with this post, but could not find any exactly appropriate for this video. So I made one on my own! This too, like other poems is an on-spot poetry and has been made without a second-read. Some rhymes may not fit, some verses may look stupid. But I kept on watching and listening, and below are the words that came!

Video By: Fazz Kazi.
Music: Fazz Kazi And Salman Ahmad – Envy

Continue reading

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