2020, Confusion~ a new dimension!, Paintings and Scribblings, raw and rough

Hello, safe space?

Hmm. Here because everyone else shunned ya out? Uh-oh. Okay, what brings you here where you’re not even real. But reality can be so scary, you know that already. Never judge anyone on fearing it. For not being their harmless-for-others untrue self.

Still so complicated, your sentences. Ew. Told you I didn’t like poetry. The f with you.

Acha what brings you here then? Go on, I’ll listen. Wow, ehsaan much.

I read this poem from twenty seventeen. Was going through my archives to find something to letter. I did pick a line from it that you see in the photo above. And then put the poem in the caption. Read it out:

All our issues and one

Sometimes,
When I should be elsewhere
Inside Dreams,
I lay awake instead, and
Assemble a questionnaire in my mind:
Everything that I have now yearned too long to ask you, I would;
“This is going to be a very, very honest conversation,” I will say.
It’s our final friendly law.
A sudden surge of happiness like a reflection of seven colors on my sooted heart—
If you call me again I might at least find my name
And as we’re talking, I will ask— no harsh feelings, hey!— but why did you think it was okay to do what you did?
How many others have you scarred the same way?
Alas! In the back of my mind the colors shift
A curtain closes
Rubbing the drama away in one swift move:
How will I know if you won’t still be lying?


Idk if the ending feels as clear to me now. I remember knowing back then also that it was vague but for me the meaning was clear. How will I know if you wont still be lying, huh? Ajeeb matlab. Duh.

ANYWAY. I’m ranting to not think but I’m thinking all sorts of things. With so much speed that it’s hard to catch up. Painful that I can’t take your and your and your name. Matlab pagal hi bana diya.

Sigh. My bud-dua or yours? I remember this other poem — feels like another life when I wrote those but hey, — and it talked about the dua part will remain even after nothing else does. And then I think I mocked it in the same tone. I totally meant the mocking, you know? Because you’d think it’s a “good dua” while it might not be? And other meanings so f it too.

It’s such an important day I don’t want to use a wrong word. Especially when I’ve kept the decency salamat so far. eh tainting the image now? No please. Wont even dare.

Phew. All our issues and one. This late night. This needed apology. This lack of understanding. And not me. For once, I’m not the issue.

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2018, Poems and poetry, raw and rough

No edits.

It still means a cold hard blow
cold hard blow on the heart
like someone hammers it into pieces
while looking sideways
you’re so hurt yourself, you say
it was never intentional to reach
here. this
now
is our collective mistake. or something from the universe
if only you could stop right now
if only you could go back in time
one last time back in time one last —
you’d do it again.

You would.

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2017, By the roaring waves!, Paintings and Scribblings, Poems and poetry

Keeper

Secrets are gifts. They don’t belong just everywhere. A secret lives where lives Love.

I have my grandmother’s stories within me,
and my mother’s, and yours—
Why do I have yours?

I have someone else’s anger, a tragedy from another place in time
Where I wasn’t, where I’ll never be – except in the future of their past
that is already a memory
Numberless faces read out their stories and not one I could tell not to
Like I could not tell you

“I don’t want your stories!” I scream now when it’s too late—
Waking up from a dream, and sleeping into another
Why do I still find you near?

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2015, Poems and poetry

Truly Yours.

To you, I want to give flowers–I don’t mind that being cliched–

Roses, wrapped in ribbons. Letters, soaked in perfume. Stars.

Unnecessary though it might be, I want to tell you again and so often

Love, how much I have come to love you that I’ve now begun to live you.

Your thought is my drug, your memory is heaven’s mercy,

Your presence is an air without which my lungs parch up.

Oh the Sun of my universe, the Light of my soul!

Undying is my adoration–like a forever flowing ocean.

Remember this: my gift to you is my heart. I am yours.

Some day you’ll see. That some day, we will be.

Written in response to Writing 201 challenge: write something about a gift, use a simile. Poem form: acrostic. (The first letters of each line together form a special word which is the theme here.) Hi.

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2014, Poems and poetry

To hate

I learnt to hate.
I never knew how it was
to hate someone so strongly
before
but now that I do
I think I know…
It’s like… sipping a bitter,
bitter coffee
so slowly
that the taste wraps around your tongue
and burns it.
It’s like… bringing a matchstick
closer to your chest
and letting it create a hole
a red, blazing hole.
It’s like… being the rose yourself
that the lover crushes in his hands
seeing the fragrance melt—
the petals wither
in your own existence.
It’s like… praying and not receiving
Dying… and not dying.
It’s like panting breathlessly for air—
and blocking all pumps out yourself
But is that hate?
Or did I just define
how it was
To miss you?

~ Maria Imran.

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2013, By the roaring waves!, Poems and poetry, Urdu musings

Because she said it was raining.

Mae dosry shehar me rehti hun
Mae tum jesi ho hi nahi sakti
Mera karna dharna mery rasm o riwaj
Mera dharam bharam mera kappra libaas
Kbhe tum jesa ye ho nhi sakta.
Mae jeeti alag hun marti alag hun
Khati alag hun peeti alag hun
Tmhary shehar me baarish hoti hogi
Meray shehar me sirf khoon hy barasta
Meray shehar me aag hae jalti
Meray shehar me lashein haen girti
Tum apny shehar ki baarish ko
Kuch waqt yahan kia bhej nhi sakteen?

rain

Written for Mahwi, and one other friend.

She said it was raining. I told her it wasn’t. She complained that we live in the same city. So I wrote to her that. So yes, we live in the same city. But you see, each of us lives in a city of their own – or perhaps a world of their own: unique and personal.

That’s one meaning to it. The other is in reference to someone who really doesn’t live in the same city – or country.

Apologies to those who couldn’t understand the Urdu-English text above and found it nothing more than a bibbery-a-bibbery-boo! (If possible, I’ll post a translation someday soon.)

C: Maria I. *Randomly Abstract*
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2013, By the roaring waves!, Poems and poetry

Where Are Promises Kept?

Seeping,
Seeping into my soul.
Weeping,
My empty eyes are weeping.
Singing,
Singing songs of mourn.
Mourning…
Mourning for unachievable chances
Mourning for unenviable glances
Mourning for the memories.
For the memories that only remain.
Ah.. Memories!
My memories!
‘No, OUR memories’.
Our memories.
The soul interrupts
By and again
‘We share the memories.’
‘We will always be one.’
People spun around,
And stun.
‘We will always love,
For we know what it holds.
We, just we
Believe in the powers above.’
‘We were made for each other.’
Yes, oh yes.
We were souls for each other.
We were the reasons we lived.
So
What reason do I have now?
I ask again,
And yet again.
The Mourning…
The mourning increases,
Grows louder, and louder.
‘Not here, but there,
We will see blue air.’
DEAFENING.
The sounds are deafening.
‘Because we are made for each other.’
The coffin is lifted.
With loud sounds of takbeer,
“Allah ho Akbar!”
Unstoppable cries.
Women screaming relentlessly.
Screaming,
As if the soul will return!
But where am I?
Looking.
Into the dark passages ahead,
Those await my future.
Wondering,
Where are promises kept?
If they are stored,
Once they are made,
Then where?
‘We will always be one!’
How could that be true?
Staring,
Where could they take him?
He is mine,
He told me!
Then why do they take him?
Will they stop?
Will they let him look around,
And smile at me?
He WILL look.
And smile.
I kept on looking,
And wait.
“WAIT!”
I scream.
“Don’t take him so fast!”
He has something to say.
Something of the past.
“STOP!”
I tell you,
He has to say,
With no more delay,
That he loves me!
Yes he does,
He is going to tell me!
He never leaves before saying so!
It has to happen, I know.
They stare at me and nod,
Look! They understood.
They will wait for him to say.
But “oh leave me!”
Where are you taking me to?
DON’T FORCE ME!
He has to say something.
Oh look he will.
Don’t go far.
I need to hear his last words.
Stop, don’t pull me!
‘Hey wait, let me tell you!’
Spoke then a voice between,
My cries.
LOOK He Is Speaking!
He is speaking again!
I told you he would.
I shout enthusiastically.
He never leaves me
Without saying that he loves me.
The voice interrupts,
Heavily.
“I don’t love you stupid girl.’
‘I never did!’
I observe my eyes turning stones.
I stare at him,
He is playing with me for one last time.
And I laugh!
“But oh, this one is painful.”
I laugh more as I tell him.
‘Truth is always painful.’
He continues being playful.
I roll my eyes and smile at him,
And question,
If it was the last way left
To surprise me?
But he seems to have promised,
To surprise and joke,
Until my breath skips,
And my blood clots,
Is he doing so,
So that I,
Could leave with him?
‘I never loved you.’
He says firmly,
So firmly that I froze,
I forget it is just a joke.
I gather my humor,
My energy, my love,
And ask him to stop.
“Too much for a joke”,
I tell him.
‘Truth is painful, stupid girl.’
Oh no, no, no.
I can’t stand this.
Take him away.
I don’t need him.
‘Truth is painful, girl.’
‘I never ever did love you!’
His last words are so harsh,
Harsher than all thorns,
I try to smile,
And prove I know him well.
But all that fall are tears.
They roll down,
I try to stop.
I assure myself,
Of all the love that remained,
Between the two of us.
He is lying,
He said we are one.
We will always be one.
I will forgive you this time,
But say that once more,
And I will kill you in the core.
‘It’s not just this,
I have always HATED you!’
‘Yes, I hated you.
You are just so emotional.
You are not strong.
You are immature,
Romantic?
Soulistic.
You run from truths,
You live for memories,
‘You are not my kind.’
He says.
He keeps on saying.
JUST TAKE HIM AWAY!
I shout,
I don’t want him to stay,
Even if
All of this is a joke.
I don’t care.
But he won’t go.
He has decided,
To take with him,
All the good memories,
And leave here,
With me,
Only hatred.
Rejection.
Rejection. Interception.
When it is least needed.
‘If you took my sympathies for kindness,
And my kindness for love.’
‘It is entirely your fault,’
‘I played with you a game.’
‘Yet I shall take no blame.
For I wanted you to grow.’
‘I am going away,
I am going above.
But don’t stay here thinking,
That I blessed you with my love!’
Trust me this last time,
What I said is true.
I never did love you,
I never could love you!’
TAKE HIM AWAY!
JUST TAKE HIM FAR!
He is lying to me all right.
I screamed with all my might.
They took him away far,
And I fell on my knees.
I cried and cried,
And came nobody to stop me.
The hall was empty,
And my life, emptier.
**
I woke up the next day,
With a heart heavier,
Than all stones and weights.
Burden no one could debate.
Someone knocked on the door,
And brought a cup of tea,
Along with numerous flowers,
All set in a bouquet.
I looked at them with thoughtful eyes,
Who could have been so generous?
I have died in my life,
Who is making my fun here?
TAKE THEM AWAY!
I wanted to be violent,
But I remained silent.
Then came another bouquet,
The very next day,
And bouquets followed,
Until uncountable days.
Finally I found him,
Whom had been so generous.
He was the one,
To fill all my emptiness,
With his lovely conversations,
And true love,
His companionship,
Became my greatest treasure.
His kind visits,
Filled me with pleasure.
But it took a lot of time.
To be me again.
To forget what had happened,
Or at least allow this man,
To mend me as he will.
He mended my broken heart,
With great dedication,
Removed agitation.
And carried it away.
Promising,
Never to return it wounded.
**
He kept to his promise,
Until this day,
And forever he will keep it,
I doubt this, nay!
If promises are to be kept,
They are kept so
Safely,
Into two hearts, locked,
Intertwined such,
that keys fail to unlock,
Ways obstacles can’t block.
He loved me completely,
And I gave all of mine,
For I believed in the powers,
That are hold above.
**
Today I take my daughters,
To the house abandoned,
The place where
My life changed forever,
And so did
Everything that existed.
I pray at the residence,
For all those that died,
And once lived.
And once loved,
And once lied.
For me!

Written by: Maria Imran
© CP.

First published: PoemsClub

collage

 

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2013, By the roaring waves!, Paintings and Scribblings, Poems and poetry

Can You Draw Hatred?

Can you draw hatred?
‘Draw hatred?’
Yes, hatred!
‘No, how do we draw it?’
Like this!
I showed her what I had made.
‘What is this?’
This is hatred.
‘This is hatred?’,
She would repeat.
Yes, hatred.
‘And?’
And Anger.
And all those questions,
Those disturb me.
So I have poured here,
On this once-a-blank sheet,
All that was inside me.
All burning questions,
And hatred,
And anger,
Agony,
Miseries,
Mishaps,
Memories.
It is a canvas of my thoughts.
A harsh painting.
A disrupted photo.
A broken vase.
Numerous fragments,
You will fail to count them.
These lines,
Are not just lines.
These spots,
Are really blots.
Blots,
That made my life so ugly.
These sharp edges,
Are the knifes,
Those were used to kill me.
‘Kill you?’
Yes!
The swords of words,
Impertinent words,
Killing words,
Words that took my life,
‘You are alive!’
No, I am not!
Can you see me alive?
Living is not breathing!
LIVING IS NOT JUST BREATHING!
I am breathing,
I am not alive.
I AM DEAD!!!
These colorful dresses that I wear,
I see them black.
This home,
Is my coffin.
This world is my grave!
I am not alive!
My life is this broken vase,
Fragments scattered,
Here and there,
I see them everywhere.
These blots,
They itch!
These scratches,
They give pain.
You would now say,
That I have gone insane!
But I am not insane!
I am just a dead soul,
Compelled to live here,
Until my benefactor,
My death returns!
I want to die literally,
So that no one could see me,
No one could point out,
And say,
“Oh what a poor girl!”
No one could sympathize,
For the broken vase,
For things are meant to break,
And my heart is one of those.
‘Its time you sleep.
Get some rest, my friend.’
No, don’t stop me.
Please don’t.
For this one last time,
Let me speak.
Let me tell you where I have been,
What I have gone through,
Oh let me speak.
I have had the worst days,
Of my life.
Life, oh is this life?
I used to sit on the grasses,
Look at the beautiful flowers,
Enjoy the breezes that once flew,
Follow the butterflies.
I never plucked a flower,
I never caught a butterfly,
For I loved them living,
And spreading wings,
And showering fragrances.
I knew,
I believed,
That all their beauty remained,
Until they lived.
Then why me?
Why was I followed?
And plucked?
And thrown,
And dumped?
Why me?
WHY ME?
I cry hysterically.
I sob and weep,
And shout and yell,
Until a needle is pierced,
On my arm and I,
Collapse.
Wounded.
Broken.
Like fragments,
Of a vase!
A beautiful vase,
A black vase!
A coffined vase.

 .

Written by: Maria Imran *Randomly Abstract*

First published: http://www.firebirdpoetry.com/

© Copyright protected.

Left: Me drawing hatred Right: www.archdaily.com Edited: RandomlyAbstract

Left: I, Maria ‘Drawing hatred’
Right: archdaily.com
Edited: RandomlyAbstract

Perspective: No, its not me that I have written about, as some friends asked. This poem has been imagined and the effort was to write with the perspective of a little princess, a girl whose life has been destroyed in the hands of cruelty. A flower, a butterfly-chaser she was and got plucked even though she never picked or harmed them; those lovely, living creatures.
Critiques and additions are welcome. Feel free to send your opinions.
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2013, By the roaring waves!, My Writings, Photography, Poems and poetry

» In the Middle Of the Night

Crying and wiping tears together
which wet my pillow tonight
I try not to
think of you,
But it seems
Impossible.

Your thought and
my memories,
they seem to have
trapped me.
I can think of nothing anymore.

And I realize,
It’s useless
to try.
Especially,
when I don’t want to
forget you, or not think of you.
Because I love you to,
think of you!

– Maria.

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2013, By the roaring waves!

A for apple, B for Ball~

I have no idea why I am posting this, and this is a very stupid post.

As I told I am teaching a kid nowadays, it has obviously affected my thinking and attitude. I am learning to be patient, to listen attentively, and to let that little girl do the way she wants. Sadly, I can not always boss around! 😀

Teaching is learning twice!

Plus, I will use my childish ways even when I am not in the role! For example, look at the following verses that I texted my aunt today:

A for Apple,

B for Ball,

Are you free?

May I call?

C for Cat,

D for Dot.

Here are mangoes,

That I bought!

E for Elephant,

F for Fish,

I love Biryani!

What’s your fave dish?

(=D Lol, are you enjoying?)

G for Gorilla,

H for Horse,

This is a cat,

And this is a mouse!

I for Island,

J for Jack,

There is the key,

At your back!

K for Kangaroo,

L for Love!

I like birds,

Sparrow and dove!

(Genius. ;))

M for Master,

N for Night,

I pray for you!

With all my might!

(These are all sudden couplets! Please don’t doubt my senses.)

So this was it. You see, I am too busy teaching her, in any way that I can think of! My aunt, the one I texted all that stuff, is well-experienced. She has done Montessori Training Course from a well-reputed institute here, and she gives me some very valuable advices! Btw, she loved my attempt! 😀

So well, that’s all for today. I really hope I don’t post much about this teaching experience, because you get bored or not, I certainly will. 😉

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2013, By the roaring waves!

..Darkest..

Darkest..

Darkness’ Pain

All the happiness has left,
the dream is now gone.
There’s no motive or reason,
it was merely withdrawn.

It all trickled out,
through the hole in my heart.
All that’s left is the pain,
and through this pain I now part.

I wanted to put it all aside,
I wanted to throw it all away.
And just ignore it all till’ death,
to just make everything okay.

But it wont be okay,
I want it to leave.
To just let it go,
through the wind it will weave.

But that is not life’s wish,
and so this pain I will keep.
Through this pain I will sink,
down to the darkness so deep.

By: SUN SUN

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2013, By the roaring waves!

Dated till there are colors in this world: You have a reason to live! =)

I like colors. It’s as simple (read: cliched) as that.

They give hope. They represent life. They are the reason we are here. (This can go deep. If I try. But I won’t. Lelz)

I am editing this post Idk why. It was written back in 2013 and yes, this blog was as simple as that. And the fact that I’m now editing it, is why I’m complicated. [K]

It’s a blessing we can see. It’s a blessing we can sense. It’s a blessing we are part of the color-filled universe and ABLE to see that.

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When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow –
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out –
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

– unknown author.

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2013, By the roaring waves!

Ilovepoetry

She's gone, they say..

She’s gone, they say..

A Poem by Moniba

Dull leaves, wilted flowers..
Dry grass, bent trees..
Dirty baskets, unkempt shrubs..
Caked shovels, arid soil..
She’s gone, she died.
There’s no one to care..
The flowers miss her,
The winds call to her..
The skies are sad,
The ocean weeps..
She’s gone they say,
She’s lost to the world.
This is not by me, its by Moniba, shared because its lovely! 🙂
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By the roaring waves!, Photography

Weekly Photo Challenge: Green

Say Green!

And yet green!

And some blogs:

And green!

And of course, this is green too: This flag, This poem, and This dead chick  for the Green Challenge!

Adiós verde!

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By the roaring waves!

When life comes to you…

I JUST LOVE THIS ONE!

<Not just because its written by my sister, but also because I can totally relate to it;) >

vibrantmirage

When life comes to you…
I’m not myself anymore..!

Your name brings in, an unfelt warmth,
Your thought makes me, a complete sort,
Your smile mends up, all the broken wounds,
Your touch awakens, each bit of my soul…

When life comes to you…
I’m not myself anymore..!

Deep in your scent, I wish to get immersed,
Wrapped in your existence, I wish to get lost,
Dancing in your melody, I wish to get reckless,
Twined in your breaths, I wish to get scattered…

When life comes to you…
I’m not myself anymore..!

When life comes to you.. imaginations run wild,
When life comes to you.. dreams turn auspicious,
When life comes to you.. colors go vivacious,
When life comes to you.. Moments become passionate…

And so,
When life comes to you…
I’m not myself anymore..!

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Wo kehti hai suno jana
Wo kehti hai suno jaana,
Mohabbat moum ka ghar hai,
Tapish-e-bud-gumani ki,
Kahin pighla na de is ko?
Main kehta hoon,
Jis dil main zara bhi bad-gumani ho,
Wahan kuch aur ho to ho,
Mohabbat ho nahi sakti,
Wo kehti hai sada aise he,
Kia tum mujh ko chaho ge?
K main is main kami koi bhi,
Gawara ker nahi sakti,
Main kehta hoon,
Mohabbat kia hai ye tum ne sikhaya hai,
Mujhe tum se mohabbat k siwa,
Kuch b nahi aata,
Wo kehti hai,
Judai se bohat darta hai mera dil,
K khud ko tum se hat ker dekhna,
Mumkin nahi hai ab,
Main kehta hoon,
Yahi khadshe bohat mujh ko satate hain,
Magar sach hai mohabbat main,
Judai saath chalti hai,
Wo kehti hai,
Batao kia mere bin jee sako ge tum?
Meri baaten, meri yaaden, meri aankhen,
Bhula do ge?
Main kehta hoon,
Kabhi aisi baat per socha nahi main ne,
Ager ek pal ko bhi sochon to,
Saansen rukne lagti hain,
Wo kehti hai tumhen mujh se,
Mohabbat is qader kyon hai?
K main ek aam si larrki,
Tumhen kyon khaas lagti hon?
Main kehta hoon,
Kabhi khud ko meri aankhon se tum dekho,
Meri dewaangi kyon hai,
Ye khud he jaan jao gi,
Wo kehti hai,
Mujhe waraftgi se dekhte kyon ho?
K main khud ko bohat,
Qeemti mahsoos kerti hoon,
Main kehta hon,
Mata-e-jaan bohat anmol hoti hai,
Tumhen jub dekhta hoon zindgi,
Mahsoos kerta hoon,
Wo kehti hai,
Mujhe alfaz k jugno nahi milte,
K tumhen bata sakon,
K dil main mere kitni mohabbat hai,
Main kehta hoon,
Mohabbat to nigahon se jhalakti hai,
Tumhari khamoshi mujh se,
Tumhari baat kerti hai,
Wo kehti hai,
Batao na kiss ko khone se darta ho?
Batao kon hai wo jise,
Ye mousam bulate hain?
Main kehta hoon,
Yeh meri shayeri hai aaina dil ka,
Zara dekho batao kia,
Tumhen is main nazar aaya?
Wo kehti hai,
Atif jee bohat baaten banate ho,
Magar sach hai ye baaten,
Bohat he shaad rakhti hain,
Main kehta hoon,
Yeh sub baaten ye fasane ek bhana hain,
K pal kuch zindagani k,
Tumhare saath kat jayen,
Phir us k baad khamoshi ka,
Dilkash raqs hota hai,
Nigahen bolti hain aur,
Lub khamosh rehte hain…!!!