2019, Passages

in and out, death

I read this again today. Because of course, it’s the day. Three years to Taye Abba. Just three!!! It feels like forever. I am feeling a mix of things right now esp. because of going through that old one.

I got featured on TV for something recently so Tayi ammi called me to congratulate about that. She said your taye abba would have been so proud of you. Like he always was. And in that moment I said thank you, tayi ammi, it feels special to me that you would say that.

It’s like everyone in the khaandaan finds moments to think and talk of him randomly. He is still very much there in that sense but DEATH does this THING. Death tears everything apart and it’s not true. Nothing after it is true so there’s that.

Anyway, another Ramadan is here. I don’t even have anything else to add right now.

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2018, My Writings, raw and rough, Urdu musings

Diary of a 3:12 AM-er

Bohat arsay baad aik nazm likhnay lagi thi. Balkay likhnay kia lagi thi, wo nazm hi mujhay likh rahi thi. Unwaan tha ‘be-dili’. Aur phir pehla misra tumhe be-dili se sochnay par tha. Uskay bad aik khayal ata lekin shaam ke dhal janay aur khuwab ke ban janay ka darr… agay aik lafz kam reh gaya. Jo cigarette ka sar hota hai na? Usay masalna tha. Lekin na lafz aya na baat bani. Hath jo kehtay kehtay uper utha tha phir hawa me hi reh gaya. Bhai ne dekh kar poocha, “you are in love, right?” Mai munh bana ke reh gai.

I am in love, right? Duh I’m in love. With what, I don’t know. I am so disconnected from myself, or maybe I’m just so connected with myself that I’ve lost the ability to touch on the surface of things (or thoughts?) and say this is this and that is that. I can’t say these words are true. I can’t say they are not. I don’t know.

Kuch zamana beeta hai mai araam se nazmen likh sakti thi. Araam se tou nahi khair, jahan shairi hai wahan aaraam kahan. Magar phir bhi kabhi na kabhi. Aik khaas kefiyat hoti thi. Aisay tou mai pehlay kitabain bhi bohat parh leti thi ab arsa hua.

I just cannot. I haven’t read a proper book in a proper sitting like a proper reader since ages. The last was All the light we cannot see which is now in my taaaaaall pile of unfinished ones. I did translate a huge chapter though. It was on Islam and science and reason and modernism and everything like that. A good experience – both in terms of subject and skill.

It’s gonna be sehri time here. I made a fruit-oatmeal smoothie yesterday jiska oatmeal part no one liked and smoothie they all did. Lol. I heard it was healthy like that but I guess I’ll omit the oatmeal now.

Nah, I’m not much of a kitchen person. But it’s Ramadan, so… oh, happy Ramadan to you!

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By the roaring waves!

Eid Mubarak!

The blissful day of Eid is a blessing of God for all Muslims who fasted in the month of Ramadhan. This is the day for which everybody is excited,from toddlers to wrinkled – poor to rich!This is the day when all discrimination, all woes and worries and enmities are forgotten and all hearts sing merrily-the praise of Almighty!

Today Eid-ul-fitr is being celebrated with full swing in all Muslim countries!The beatitude and euphoria makes each heart happy. Hugs and caresses are spread to deliver the message of love! The night before Eid, popularly known as Chand Raat is the night when Almighty judges our deeds and blesses people who fasted during Ramadhan! On this night,there is a huge traffic in shops where women tend to buy elegant dresses,fragnant perfumes and appealing jewellery!

My Eid day started early in the morning when every nook and corner of the house was cleaned and decorated. Then new dresses were worn, with matching accessories. And then, some guests arrived with whom we enjoyed pretty much!Afterwards we went to our neighbours to wish them the blissful day (and receive eidi!!).Later I will go to  my grandmother’s house and I hope I will enjoy alot there!

Alot of more festivities and enjoyments are hoped for the upcoming hours..

EID MUBARAK TO YOU ALL!

~Stay blessed~

p.s. I did copy most of the part from my Eid blog of last year, but you know, Eids are more or less, always same!

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